Emotional advice for families
Keep to routines and habits
It is important to stick to our normal everyday routines and habits, because it will keep children calm and things will feel more normal.
Keep to usual bedtimes. If it is hard to get to sleep, try to reduce the digital stimuli, dim the lights and speak in a calmer tone of voice. Take a moment to breathe and relax before going to bed.
As for food, it is a good idea to have a meal schedule and to have water and healthy food ready and available for children when they are hungry or thirsty. Avoid making them associate food with times of day when they may feel bored. Use this as a chance to find recipes for healthy snacks. Also, try to follow a regular main mealtime schedule.
This will help us to be more stable, both physically and mentally.
Also, being at home doesn’t mean you can spend all day in your pyjamas, without dressing, washing, or combing your hair. Despite the flexibility, routines also need to be kept. Getting dressed is a good way to set the start of the day and a shower or bath is a prelude to going to bed.
Plan new activities together
Let’s all plan a special day together! To avoid falling into routine, we can set a date. We will not only enjoy the day itself but also the preparations that it entails.
Plan a day without screens and try to stick with it. Use it as a chance to read, listen to music, clean, cook, do handicrafts… Now is the time to do those things we always put off for “when we have time”. Let’s all try to do or learn something new.
At the end of each day, we can look back at the things we have achieved.
Do daily exercise
Mental and physical health are closely related. Do exercise with our sons and daughters (a simple gymnastic mat, kicking a ball about, start with some stretching, dance to the music they like and have another day for the elderly). It will do everyone good, both for the body and for the mind.
Avoid over-information
Children also need to know what is going on. Depending on their age, we can give them information, with clear and honest explanations from official government sources or other agents, but only what is really necessary.
We convey peace of mind by reminding them that as long as we follow the recommendations, everything will be fine. And let them express their feelings.
Try to talk about other topics: focus on what we can really do, don’t make assumptions, or focus on things that are out of our reach.
Create spaces where they can express themselves and participate in decision-making
Sharing feelings is important so that children can get used to the situation, overcome fears related to everything that is happening, and do away with misconceptions. Our role is to listen to them, help them to identify emotions, and call them by their names. We must remember that it is not a bad thing to express one’s emotions. Try to get used to asking “What’s the matter?” or “How are you feeling?” rather than imposing solutions or telling them how they should feel.
It is important to let them find solutions to feel better, to identify what gives them peace, tranquillity ... and for them to make decisions. It is important to talk to them in a way that makes them feel safe and secure, and which keeps that bond of trust with them. We are important role models.
Keep a positive attitude
This situation is temporary and will not go on forever, although it does feel very long when we are living through it.
It is a time to convey the importance of teamwork and act caringly: we can share things as a community, with everyone sticking together, children too, to overcome this situation, in full confidence that we will overcome it.
This helps them to find their place and to connect with everyone around them, and will make them aware of the kind of cooperative skills that will help them to deal with the limits and impositions of this situation.
Try to share positive and hopeful messages. Highlight positive news about a successful conclusion to the current crisis, and try not to make your conversations too negative.
Agree on house rules
Use this as a chance to work together on the little things that can make living together more difficult. Start with three rules and create new ones or modify them as you see fit.
Remember that the idea is always to reach agreements and look for future alternatives to any behaviours or ways of doing things that are bothering other people around us. Setting boundaries and reaching agreements are the best foundations for coexistence.
Let all members of the household have their say. We are all part of our daily lives.
Encourage humour
Laugh together! It helps us de-dramatize the situation, relieve tension, and improve our moods. Spread and enjoy humour whenever you can.
Encourage play
PLAY, PLAY, PLAY: play is the best way to connect with our children in a healthy way.
Play can help children develop such skills as attention, memory, spelling, arithmetic, and more. It helps to stimulate abilities and is good fun at the same time.
Play is also a good time to get to know our children better. Even everyday actions can be turned into play.
Look after ourselves to look after them
Taking good care of children is hard at a time when adults are probably worn out in every way, so the first thing is to look after ourselves: we need to feel well so that we can take good care of others. That includes both physical and emotional wellbeing.
A peaceful meal while the children are sleeping is always nice, and partners can enjoy comforting activities together (reading, a bit of exercise, meditating, etc.), or calling loved ones. We can also look after ourselves with our children if we are unable to do things with another adult, like watching a film with them, or paying a virtual visit to a museum.
As adults, we also need to be able to express our emotions in a healthy way.
Assess and manage emotions
Mood swings are normal and common, but we need to keep an eye on them and, if they intensify, we need to have a think about what’s happening: we may need to talk to our children, devise activities to keep their minds occupied during the day, and maybe spend some more time in the bathroom, which for certain ages can be especially relaxing.
The feeling of losing control can generate anxiety. When that happens, try to focus on the part of the situation that we are in control of, rather than focusing on things we can’t do anything about.
If somebody is feeling sad, we should not treat such emotions as abnormal and instead tell them that we understand that they are missing people they can’t see these days (or who are no longer with us), or who may feel overwhelmed. Tell them that the same thing happens to us too.
We need to take time out, in a positive way, when we need to disconnect for a moment.
It is normal for children to cry and they need to be properly accompanied.
Praise effort
Thank your children for the effort they are making to stay at home! It will make them feel important and help boost their self-esteem. Make them feel that they are doing something of great value and importance to all mankind.
Disconnect to connect
When we are with our children, we should turn electronic devices off. This is sending them the most powerful of messages: “Right now, you are the most important thing to me.”
Listen with interest, look at them from the same height and in the eyes and do a lot of looking. That way, we get to know what they need. Use physical contact: lots of hugs and fewer expectations.
Treasure new memories
If you keep a diary of what you are living through, you will be treasuring family memories. Think about you want your children to remember about these days, when they are all over.
Tips for going outside
Children need to move. Whether they can do so will depend on where they live. It is important to make the most of outdoor spaces so they get freedom of movement and some sunlight, which helps to build a strong immune system and keep spirits up. But families who decide to go outside must ensure safety, physical integrity and respect the social distancing regulations.
Use it as a chance to get to know each other
Use the opportunity to get closer to your children. Show an interest in knowing what they do, what music they listen to, what websites they use, and so on. Always from a relaxed position, without judging or questioning. It is important to know how to find the right moment. And if it is not the right time, respect that, and move away without getting angry. There will be another time.
Keep them informed
If you have to go out (to go shopping or work) you must tell them. Let them know when you are leaving and when you will be back and as much as possible, tell them if you are going to be late. It is important to make it clear to them that when an adult is not available because they are working or otherwise engaged, they are still contributing to the family.
Show affection
Children don’t take it for granted that they are loved, they need to see and feel it to feel safe and even more so in times of such instability as these. Expressions of love are important: kisses, hugs, flattery, smiles. There is nothing more rewarding for a child than to feel that he or she is important to his or her parents and that they are proud of them. Love and violence cannot exist together, and that is something that must be clear at all times.
When they break the rules, respond appropriately
Children should not think that one person can impose themselves over others just because they are stronger. On the contrary, they must learn that the force is no more useful than dialogue and the establishment of rules and limits.
Also, if a child is beaten or insulted for something they have done wrong, this will make them feel awful, helpless and rejected by their parents, and these emotions do not get them thinking about the reasons why they are being punished. A non-violent, educational response, together with a clear explanation including examples, alternatives and commitments, will help the child accept the rules and respect them responsibly.
Despite these difficult times, we should never allow violence to enter our families. Never tolerate any kind of use of violence (physical, psychological or verbal) with children.
Look out for hyperconnectivity
Look out for hyperconnectivity
Although there is a tendency during lockdown not to restrict the use of television, video game consoles and digital devices as much as usually, still make sure that children aren’t making excessive use of them and stay on your guard against such Internet-related risks as inappropriate content, cyberbullying, sexting, grooming and disclosure of personal information. You can always look for alternatives, such as board games and handicrafts.